WTF Wednesday I’m starving!

MacGyver and I watched a documentary on Netflix called What the Health.  Since I’m already shit out of luck when it comes to what I can and can’t eat, I was hesitant to watch it.  I mean, let’s factor in that I cannot eat anything with soy, gluten or dairy and I limit most night shades, my diet is bit limited.

cancer causing foodsAnd basically anything you’ve every loved or that tasted good.  Pretty soon even watermelon and strawberries will be on there because why the hell not torture my very soul.

After watching that documentary I should be dead of starvation in about a week, unless I can subsist on garbanzo beans and oranges, without getting sick of them.

Loris

I feel your pain little sad loris, I do.

Remember how I said that I just wasn’t feeling much like running and I was scaling it back a bit?  Well, that’s what I’ve been doing.  Some days I run, some days I walk, and most days I’ve been keeping it between 3-5 miles.  It’s obviously been good for me because this morning I ran an 8:58 mile and it was balls hot out.  Go me.

Not to mention the fact that when I finished and I looked down to see my final time, this was my speed:

running

Uh, hell yeah, go me!  Check out current pace, go ahead, check it out.  So what it was only for about 72 seconds, shut up, it was still in the 7’s!  I’ll take it.

Yeah, damn straight, I’m tootin my own horn today.

The other night MacGyver and I were on the dock with Hank feeding our turtles.  We’ve been feeding them the organic dog treats that we bought for Hank last month that he absolutely hated and refused to eat, most likely because I paid 12 bucks for them.   He prefers the cancer causing variety 1.99 version from the grocery store.

Anyway, after I fed 3/4’s of the bag to the turtles guess who decided they were the best treats in the entire fucking world?

“One of us isn’t having any more treats!”

Every time one of the turtles came up to get a bite instead of his usual happy little self, the little shit barked and snarled at the sweet turtles.  He’s a spoiled brat and obviously, I just love him to death.

Because why else, wtf, it’s Wednesday?

WTF Wednesday, Cocks and Peckers, get your mind out of the gutter.

You may have heard about this on the news but 4 people in Florida were recently diagnosed with Legionnaires’ Disease.  The one thing they all had in common was, their gym.

exercise knocks me outLiterally!

MacGyver and I were scrolling through movie channels and we landed on Mamma Mia! which had just started and since I had never seen it, I insisted we watch it.  I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how thrilled MacGyver was.  He left the room often but at one point he came back in during a scene involving Meryl Streep’s character, Donna and Pierce Brosnan’s character, Sam.  They were singing.

MacGyver:  Is that James Bond?

ME:  It’s Pierce Brosnan and yes, I think he did play James Bond.

MacGyver:  Double Oh Hell NO!  This is horrible.  My Bond image is ruined forever.

Is it evil that I felt a sense of victory in that?

If you haven’t seen this parody, check it out, Orange is the New Snack.

Googley Eyes is the best!

So MacGyver left for work this morning and came back 5 minutes later with something in his hands.

baby peacockWe went all around trying to find the momma but to no avail.  In case you couldn’t tell what it is, it’s a baby peacock.

birdinhand

That face! Could you just die?

We stopped by the store to get a paper and were discussing the issue and I said, ‘Listen, I’ve already got a pecker, I can’t also raise a cock.’  Within a millisecond I heard the elderly lady behind us gasp.  I almost turned around to tell her we were talking about birds but then I decided it would best to let her try to figure it out all on her own.  *insert evil laughter here.

baby

He is a cute little booger, but I think we’re gonna continue to try and locate the momma for this one.  I’m sure he’ll end up in my backyard with the rest of the neighborhood peacocks anyway.

WTF, it’s Wednesday, and I’m the equivalent of the neighborhood fire station, just leave all your birds with me, no questions asked, no charges filed. 

WTF Wednesday, Woody updates!

Was it Oscar Wilde who said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?  Well, it doesn’t matter, because I’m completely flattered anyway.

Me and Woody

Here we are making kissy face.

Woody Allen Jac imitates practically everything I do and it’s so adorable that I thought I’d just make it the Wednesday Woody update.

So, from this weekend, here’s the proof that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery for me.

Whistle Woodpecker

Can you whistle Woody?

Look at the camera and whistle.

Whistlin Woody

laughing with Woody

Every time he does what I say it cracks me up and then he laughs too!

whistling

Whistling again.

And now, we sing!

Because he is so good at mimicry, I’ve decided to teach him how to do my job.

typing

He’s a fast learner!

And a lot of you have asked me how the dogs get along with the pecker so I thought rather than tell you, since this is a Wednesday Woody update why not just show you.

Two dogs and a woodpecker

They’re all three here, you just may have to look really hard.  The dogs are taking the bird for a walk.

Woody likes to ride dirty.

Woody and Boomer

He literally flies out of his cage and right to Boomer every single day.

Boomer and Woody

Most of the time Boomer doesn’t even notice.

WTF, it’s Wednesday and I love my life!