That time my treadmill almost killed me.

Hey, hey, hey, how’s your day? Mine is good. Any day that I get to run is a good day. This morning, I ran a 6 mile tempo run around my neighborhood. I wanted to run 7 but I had to get back home. I had some urgent business to attend to, but more on that a little later.

You may not know this but I used to run on my treadmill all the time and I loved it. MacGyver and I set up a home gym above the garage in part of the Man Cave and while he would lift weights, I would run on the treadmill. My treadmill wasn’t anything spectacular and I’m pretty sure MacGyver got it at a garage sale or off the side of the road, but it worked just fine and when I finished running on it, all I had to do was lift up the bottom and store it away.

Treadmill humor

About 2 ½ to 3 years ago, I went up to the Man Cave to run on my treadmill but when I turned it on, nothing. Nada. Kaput. Dead treadmill. I was devastated. How could I ever run outside again in the Florida heat? And what about the storms? I can’t run in lightning, so that means July is pretty much a wash. I was screwed.

So, I did the only thing I could do at that point. I started looking at retail stores and shopping online for a new treadmill, because in my house if you want something that cost more than 50 bucks, the easiest way to get it is to start looking at retail stores. MacGyver is such a penny pincher that if he even thinks I’m considering paying full cost for anything he will make it his job to make sure that doesn’t happen. He’ll find whatever it is that I’m looking for within a matter of days and it probably won’t cost a dime because he either knows somebody who knows somebody or he has the wholesale hookup and then there’s always craigslist as a back-up. I often joke about how MacGyver is a hoarder but he is, and his best friend is also a hoarder, I call them H1 and H2. I promise you, between MacGyver’s penny pinching and the resources of H1 and H2, said item will be found. However, it won’t be new, and it may have to be rigged up a little to work properly, but I’ll get what it is I’m looking for. The only thing I have to do is plant the seed….by looking for it in a retail store first.

hoarding humor

As predicted, after driving MacGyver around to every sporting goods store, Walmart and Sears in town, only two days later MacGyver came home with the Star Trac TR4500 Treamill. Granted, it’s a commercial grade treadmill and was probably very advanced when it first debuted, but it’s had many encore appearances since that time, I can assure you.

hoarding humor

No matter, once we sandblasted all of the dust off of it, the darn thing worked like a dream except for the heart rate handle which randomly falls off. The grand total cost, zero dollars. MacGyver got it from his friend, H2.

The only issue I had with the Star Trac TR4500, (besides the handle that falls off), is that it doesn’t fold up and it would not fit in the Man Cave. So we had to put it on the lanai which is okay, except that when I run on it now, I constantly stare at the backyard and make mental notes of all the things that need to be done. It’s an OCD nightmare and I relive it every time I go for a run, but I’ve adjusted.

Once we set up the new treadmill, MacGyver decided to remove the old one and turn the now empty space into a re-loading station, because that’s what men do, they create space for stupid shit that we have never heard of.

men are stupid

While removing the old treadmill, MacGyver decided to try that red button underneath the front of it. You know, that little red button that I never knew was there, the one that says ‘reset’. At that point, the treadmill powered right up, good as new. OOPS. Not only did it work, but it continued to work after I gave it to my neighbor for almost 2 more years until the motor finally burned out, for real, this time.

(Just nevermind the little cartoon above)

Anyway, I had a new commercial grade, dusty, 15 year old, falling off handle, bear of a treadmill and it was all mine, so I was not complaining. Unfortunately, after a year or so, I got kind of tired of the treadmill and I started to run outside more and more. These days I use the treadmill only when I need to run before the sun comes up, when it’s pouring rain, and during the entire month of July. Because I don’t run on the treadmill that much anymore, I am constantly looking for ways to motivate myself and that brings me back to why I had to cut my run short today.

Treadmill running

You see, this weekend, I put up Christmas decorations and while I was at it, I decided it would be fun to decorate my treadmill with Christmas Lights. Mind you, I’ve done this before, just not at a time when I actually used it.

christmas lights

So, I decorated the treadmill and it looked so awesome that I couldn’t help myself, I had to run on it.

My decorated treadmill

Now, you may or may not be aware of the fact that I tend to sweat like a pig. No, worse than a pig, it’s actually uncanny the amount of sweat that pours off my body, but the point is that I sweat buckets, lots of buckets.

So, I began to run on the treadmill and because it was unplanned, I wasn’t prepared. I had no fan, no towel, no water, nothing and it was hot. I ran a half mile before I was pouring sweat but my OCD would not let me stop before getting to a nice solid number, like 1, so I continued on. The sweat started dripping down my face and my arms and suddenly landed on the Christmas lights. Without any warning whatsoever, the damn lights sparked up.

You would think I would have stopped, but I wasn’t at a mile yet.

Around .09 they sparked again and this time they almost caught my shirt on fire because now they were popping and sparking all over. So, at mile 1, I jumped off the treadmill and grabbed the cord to yank it out of the plug and I got the shock of my entire life. It nearly threw me backwards and it practically electrocuted me!

And I thought LED lights were supposed to be safer, who knew?

So, I gathered up the scorched and smelly lights and hid them behind some trees in the backyard by the pond. Then I sprayed an entire can of Ozium on the lanai to hide the obvious stench and MacGyver never had a clue.

The only thing left to do was to retrieve the lights from the backyard and get them into the garbage pail just before the garbage men were scheduled to arrive. That way I could be sure that MacGyver would never see them and therefore there would be no proof of my little accident. But the garbage men were freakin early today and so I had to cut my run short at 6 miles and haul ass home in order to make it on time.

I made it, in case you’re wondering. And now there is no proof whatsoever. Well, except for the blog entry that I just posted on the Internet.

Stupid human tricks And suddenly, I am reminded of the time MacGyver and I took a little motorcycle ride along the Causeway. After we returned home and we got off the bike, MacGyver said, “Are you sure you really want to take off that helmet?” And I said, “No honey, I’m not sure, but I’m taking it off anyway.”

Tell me something you’ve done that was really stupid, anything, tell me…..