Thursday things I need to say

MacGyver and I were listening to the news this morning and they were talking about a recent study that said most Americans think about food about 40 minutes a day.  FORTY?  I was like, we need to know who was in that study because I think about food like 4 hours a day and those people are not telling the truth.

Fortunately, I’ve stopped taking the steroids so now I only think about food like three and a half hours a day.  As far as the weight I gained while on the steroids, well, it’s made itself at home and I’m struggling with it.  This is an accurate representation:

Or chips, or ice cream……

Did y’all see that Ariana Mocha Latte Grande got a new tattoo?  She did.  I’m assuming that it was supposed to say ‘7 Rings’ which is apparently the name of her new song but it doesn’t.

Roughly translated, it says ‘BBQ grill’ and no, I am not kidding.  Maybe when you get a tattoo in Kanji, you should double check with someone who actually knows Kanji, just sayin.

But apparently Ariana took my advice and consulted with her Japanese tutor because she tried to get the tattoo fixed and even posted about it on her Instagram.

She captioned the post partly with this, “RIP tiny charcoal grill. Miss u man. I actually really liked u.”

However, depending on how you read it, her attempted fix might actually now read, ‘Japanese BBQ Finger.’  Good Lord.  I’m not sure what perplexes me more, the tattoo or the fact that I even follow Ariana Mocha Latte Grande’s Instagram account.

Also when I read some people’s messages on Instagram it makes me wonder…

word porn

Are you experiencing the Polar Vortex where you live?  I cannot believe some of these temperatures.  It’s crazy.  The kid lives in Columbus and with the wind chill it’s been in the negative 20’s.  He didn’t even have to work today because it’s too dangerous to be outside. 

For the record he doesn’t work outside but I guess the city wants as few people out as possible.  He also told me that the newscasters are telling people to turn down their heat because with so many people blasting their furnaces it puts a strain on the system so he has his thermostat set at 65.

I have my thermostat set at 70 because it’s been in the low 60’s here and my toes have been blue for days.  I can’t even imagine a polar vortex. Just the fact that polar is in the name indicates to me that it’s unlivable. Well that and this reporters pants,

They were frozen solid after 10 minutes outside. Nope, not for me.  I’ll be over here fighting with Hank over the heated blanket.

What is the temperature where you are?

Do you have any tattoos? 

Chicks with chainsaws, don’t google it.

I can run a chainsaw like a lady boss.  I know this because this morning yet another large limb fell in my yard and I cut that 30 foot tree limb up in about half and hour and stacked the logs.  Done.  That was the second huge limb that has fallen in only a month.

Thankfully it’s hurricane season in Florida so I’ll probably get to use my chainsaw a whole hell of a lot in the next few months.

great

I tried to find a cool image of a chick with a chainsaw but when I googled it I realized just how many weirdos live on the internet.  Some searches are better left unsearched.

Remember how I told y’all about red tide and how it’s been all over the waters of Venice lately?  Well, it’s also been in the Tampa Bay area and I’ve been reading everything I can about it and learning all sorts of things about bacteria in the Gulf.

This morning I saw this video.

The restaurant is located in Sarasota but the health department isn’t saying which restaurant it is.  I am allergic to shell fish so I don’t eat it anyway but I certainly wouldn’t be eating it now even if I could.  I feel like when red tide around I hear about more of these cases.  Maybe it’s coincidence but I don’t think so.  MacGyver says the oysters served in the restaurants here don’t actually come from here but I love a good conspiracy theory and I need to be right so I’m going with my theory.  Red tide.

I’m still running.  I took a day off on Monday and yesterday I had to walk a good portion of my third mile but I’m still running.  It’s still difficult to breath at times but hopefully come August 3rd we’ll get a little closer to an answer as to why.  That’s when I see the pulmonologist because you know, they rushed me in.

eye roll

It’s been very hard not to google anything but based on my previous search this morning for chicks with chainsaws it should get easier.

How is your week going?

What’s the weather like where you are?

Thursday, some things

Remember when I used to have a blog and wrote things on it like, a lot?  Yeah, I forgot too.

airhead

The truth is that I’m still working on this year long project and it’s so time consuming I barely have a moment to spare.  Oh, and also it has been raining for like a year, (actually 4 or 5 days) and the grass and weeds are taking over.  So yesterday we got a break in the rain and I spent the better part of the day weeding the mulch beds and trimming the massive overgrowth that is my lawn.

exhausting

Remember how I told you that MacGyver and I had been on the Keto Diet but we switched back to our regular Paleo diet?  Well, for some reason MacGyver has managed to stay in Ketosis even with eating a few more carbs and he has lost a whopping 9 pound WITHOUT working out.  I however, am working out an hour to an hour and a half every day, eating less than 1,500 calories a day with a carb count under 75 and somehow I managed to gain 2 pounds in the last 2 days!

This is an accurate representation of me this morning:

I cannot believe this shit

Here’s the plan.  There is no plan.  I’m gonna eat when I’m hungry, continue to work out and fuck it.

Did you see the news reports of the 30 year old who was evicted from his parents home?  This story was so great I wanted to posted it yesterday for WTF Wednesday but I didn’t have a chance.  So today, I am giving you the most awkward interview ever.  Oh, and also, this man will never in his life go on another date.

How is your week going?  Hopefully better than that guy!