Tuesday tangent, running through illness

I’m in a bit of a funk.  Lately I’ve been either uninspired or frustrated.  Less than a year ago I would run 5-6 miles several days a week and a long run of 10 or more miles on the weekend.  Every damn week.

In January of this year I ran 172 miles and in March I had a long run of 16 miles on the Legacy Trail but since April any run longer than 3 or 4 miles is hard for me and it’s even more frustrating because I know physically I’m just not right.  Breathing shouldn’t be so hard.

monthly running stats

I know my doctors are trying or at least, I think they are, but it doesn’t seem like enough.  It really seems like it takes forever for each and every test and then dealing with the waiting only to be told, we still don’t have answers.  Yeah, it’s frustrating but I’m still moving forward.

Thankfully I’m smart enough to realize that doctors don’t always have the answers and that diet and exercise can make a world of difference when it comes to our health and so, I push on, and I’ll continue to do so but I’m not giving up on the answers because I need to know.

It helps to read about other people who know what it feels like to have an illness that mystifies, like Jacqueline Alnes.  She suffers from a seizure disorder or something like it.  Her doctors still don’t know.  She continues to run.

And when I need a little inspiration, I think of Gabe Grunewald who has run during chemo treatments and continues to compete despite being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  Runners like Gabe make you feel like you can do anything.  And you can.

And even though the thought of ‘only’ running 3 or 4 miles a day seems daunting and disappointing, I still run.  And while I press on with endless doctors appointments, and testing. and surgeries, and the possibility that I may never know the answer, I’ll continue to run.