What non runners say and my smart-ass retorts.

Hello. How are you? I don’t know about you but I am exhausted. No particular reason, I’m just really tired today. I did manage to run 7 miles around the neighborhood this morning and to walk the dogs for a mile, so at least I got that done.

I ran in the neighborhood today and it occurred to me that at least once a day one of my neighbors has something to say about my running. Does that happen to you too? It used to be annoying because it was the same thing over and over…. until I turned it into a game. Instead of ignoring them like I had done for years, I decided to answer each and every one of them with whatever popped into my head. Some of them stopped talking to me altogether, and believe me when I say, I’m fine with that. I repeated their comments and questions, and my retorts, to several friends who laughed their butts off.

One of my friends calls them the running funnies and told me I should write them down. So, that’s what I did. And today, I’m going to share them with you.

The Running Funnies

(what non-runners say and how I respond)

Neighbor: Do you jog or do you run?

Me: Neither.


Neighbor: You run all the time, you must really love to run?

Me: No, not really. Why would you think that?

chocolate milk addict

Older Lady neighbor: If you keep running that much your uterus will fall right out.

Me: Well if it does, I’ll just kick it out of the way. I don’t really need it anymore anyway.


Friend: I don’t run because the doctor told me it was bad for my knees.

Me: And what does he say about your spare tire? Is that bad for you?


Guy at Store: Are you about to going running?

Me: No, I already ran this morning.

Guy at Store: Well, you look awesome, you don’t even have sweat on you.

Me: Um, yeah, we uh, have one of those things called a shower so, I uh, took one.


Overweight Race Spectator: You paid to run this race?

Me: Yes.

Overweight Race Spectator: Really?

Me: Yes.

Overweight Race Spectator: Why?

Me: Why do you pay for doughnuts?


Nosy Neighbor: How far did you go today?

Me: 15

Nosy Neighbor: Miles?

Me: No, inches.


Friend: How do you run with those boobs?

Me: Fast


Obnoxious Neighbor: If you see me running it’s because somebody’s chasing me.

Me: Well, I’m pretty sure it’s not the smart police.


And just because I thought you should have a laugh today, here’s an awesomely funny video!

Is there a comment non runners make that drives you crazy? Tell me what it is and tell me what you say back…