Can’t see the forest for all the trees

I had an appointment with my sports therapist yesterday and I told him that I was still having pain in my arm at night and that in the last month there hasn’t been one night where the pain didn’t wake me up. So he asked me how I’ve been sitting when I work during the day and I had to admit that I’m still in the damn lazy boy, but it’s not my fault.

how to workI have to accommodate the wiener dog, always.

I may have already told you this but I can’t remember because due to my lack of sleep my brain is all jumbly, (not a word, huh?)  but I put up Christmas decorations over the weekend. I am sticking to 3 large and 2 small trees in Clearwater this year and I think we’ll go with only one in Nokomis.

I’ve seriously pared down my decorations. No, really, I have, I mean by comparison to my normal decorating habits anyway.

pink tree

This is the tree on my front patio. It’s pink but it looks purple in the picture. It’s not, it has pink lights and pink decorations. MacGyver is just thrilled with it.

lanai tree

This is my lanai tree because everyone who lives across the pond needs to see that we decorate.

Pencil tree

And the almost too tall tree.

The biggest problem that I have with my Christmas decorations is the dogs. Hank is very confused as to why he has to go outside to pee on trees when there are two perfectly good trees inside the house so that’s a struggle and Boomer is confused by the ornaments that look so lifelike. Seriously, how is a dog supposed to know which is the REAL candy cane.

canes

Boomer’s handy work!

Apparently, you just have to try them all until you find the one that tastes good.

This year I decided to switch out my little white tree with a pencil tree due to the limited space and my general laziness when it comes to rearranging the furniture. Anywho, when I was searching for the perfect pencil tree I happened upon the latest craze in Christmas decorations, the Upside Down Christmas Tree, what?

upside down tree

No this is not a wordpress error, what you’re looking at is the latest decorating trend.

Y’all this shit is real. Real stupid. Just why? I mean, I don’t get it. So I googled it and I’m still confused. Apparently it dates back to the 12th Century when it represented Trinity but nowadays some people just consider it sacrilegious. After reading everything I could about it, I came to same conclusion, it’s just stupid. Don’t do it. Someone will laugh at you. Me. I will laugh at you.

Have you decorated yet?

Do you have pets and are they confused by the decorations or are my dogs not as smart as I thought they were?

WTF Wednesday – Christmas lights continue to try to kill me.

Last night around 5:30PM, I slathered enough Deet on my body to seriously impair my already poor-functioning cognitive skills. It was either that or possibly contracting West Nile Virus and honestly, I prefer the deet.

You may be wondering why on Earth I would even need this toxic amount of pesticide. Well, I was putting up Christmas lights of course! Duh! What fun would it be to put up Christmas lights without the worry of West Nile Virus or Malaria? I wouldn’t dare imagine it! (These are Florida problems people, just roll with it.)

I love this but clearly I do not have the talent needed to put this together.

I love this but clearly I do not have the talent needed to put this together.

Anyhow, did I mention my poorly functioning cognitive skills? Because I think it’s important to note that while I would normally consider myself fairly intelligent with a decent memory, when it comes to putting up Christmas lights, I have neither intelligence nor good memory.

Typically when one is putting up Christmas lights, it’s advisable to check the lights to make sure they work before climbing up the ladder. I know this. I skipped this step. You should also make sure you have the proper items to hang the lights before climbing the ladder. Another step that I am keenly aware of, and yes, I skipped it too.

This is why I was wobbling on the ladder directly in front of my front door as I tried frantically to twist each bulb and bring those Christmas lights back to life. If I could only find the one bad bulb…..

It is also why I had to run to Wal-Mart this morning to purchase 4 new sets of icicle lights because despite the attempts of the manufacturer to build an ‘almost indestructible’ string of Christmas lights, it’s almost impossible to make them work again after you’ve dropped them onto concrete and then hurled down on them with your body, from the height of an 8 foot ladder. I crushed those babies like a bug.

If you’re wondering why MacGyver didn’t put up the lights for me it’s because he thinks those strings full of sparkle are more like little strings of quarters and that Christmas lights are a waste of money. He also doesn’t think I should be allowed anywhere near them after my near electrocution with lights on the treadmill last year. That being said he is also a very wise man and never tells me what to do.

Hence, me trying to put up the Christmas lights.

This morning I got some clips, pulled out the ladder, tested the new lights and climbed up to begin the decorating. After many attempts to neatly hang those strings of light across the front of my house, this is the result of my outdoor Christmas decorations.

 

Santa Mingo
When all else fails, go with Flamingos!

Do you decorate your house for the holidays?