Orange blossoms, vacuums and sex and the fitbit, in no certain order.

Good Monday morning to you.  Today is National Orange Blossom Day.  Orange Blossoms are the state flower for Florida and they also smell wonderful.  Whenever we go to the cabin we have to drive through 5 miles of orange groves to get there and I love that smell better than just about any other smell on earth.  It’s no wonder they use orange blossom scent in so many perfumes.

It’s also National Sunglasses day but every day is sunglasses day here in sunny Florida so National Orange Blossom Day seemed a better choice for me to talk about.

sunglasses

My in laws have traveled back home to Virginia for the summer.  They left Saturday morning so the kid drove me to my appointment with the doctor on Friday and afterwards we went to lunch with them.  We went to Brew Burgers which is one of my favorite places and it was as good as always.

We finished lunch just after 1 and headed over to the Nokomis house to pick up the mail and then got back on the road to come home.  Realistically, we should have been home around 2:30 but that didn’t happen.

trafficTake your shoes off, stay awhile….

accidentAnd just when you think you’re in the clear, NOPE.

There were 3 of them.  THREE. Three accidents with traffic at a complete standstill.

Guess what time we got home?  Guess.

my turtle

We got home right after this guy….

We got home after 5PM.

So before I get enraged again, let’s talk about running last week.  Last week I ran and walked a total of 34 miles.  Most of my runs last week were fairly easy ones due to the heat and humidity but I did manage to run 800’s one day and I also did some hill work one day.  It doesn’t sound impressive but I was happy with it.  Super happy with it.

I also managed to get around 142,000 steps for the week on my fitbit!  I was surprised I got that many and it wasn’t too shabby but I was a little shy of where I wanted to be….

fitbit sex check

Ahem, guilty.

 

My longest run over the weekend was Saturday and it was only 6 miles but afterward I ended up with a migraine that followed me all day long so the rest of the day was a wash which meant all the things I wanted to get done got pushed to Sunday.

On Sunday I was determined to get some yard work done and the house cleaned.  I worked in the yard all morning and I was a bit behind so MacGyver offered to help me clean, (as he always does), and typically I say no because I’m a bit of a control freak but for some reason yesterday I said yes, please.  I told him he could vacuum and asked him to do the living room rug.

So he started vacuuming and only a few seconds later he stopped and flipped the vacuum over and stared at it.  Then he looked up at me and said, “this thing is a mess, when’s the last time you took this thing apart and cleaned it?”

And I said, “you mean the actual machine, like, the mechanical parts, the innards?”

And he said, “yes, the inside of the machine, when is the last time you took it all apart and cleaned it?”

And then I said, “Um, let’s see, today in Sunday, which would make it the 26th so that would mean, um…..NEVER!”

So he sat down beside the vacuum and then he dismantled it right there on the very rug I asked him to vacuum.

good god

Some days it’s all I can do to let my people survive.

Guess who has some housecleaning to do today right after work?  Man, I sure do have the life….

Tell me, have you ever checked your fitbit during sex?
Have you ever taken apart your vacuum cleaner and cleaned it all out?  (I haven’t but I have repaired my washer and my dryer many times so there’s that.)

Running in Florida is more dangerous than any other place, maybe.

By the time you read this I’ll most likely be in route or already at my doctor’s office all the way down in Venice.  This is one of my final follow up’s with her before I meet with the neurologist on the 1st of July.

doctor visits

Right? Isn’t this always the case? Always!

Anyway, I wanted to get in a short run before I made my way down to Venice which meant I had to leave before 6AM this morning and that’s when I got the idea for this post, shortly after some carnivorous type of animal ran within 2 feet of me.  I’m calling this post, running in Florida is more dangerous than any other place, maybe.

Reason number one is also why I ended my title with maybe, it’s hot.  It’s so hot in fact that you can die of heat stoke within a few minutes of leaving your house.  Seriously, okay maybe.  Heat also makes you lazy so I didn’t really look any of that data up or verify my facts but just trust me, it’s hella hot.

running in Florida

Another reason is all the animals.  We have coyotes, panthers, cougars, black bear, snakes, gators and a whole mess of other things that maybe won’t kill you but will still scare the shit out of you and you could have a heart attack like I almost did this morning.

You also have to be extra careful running by any body of water and if you think for a minute you’re just gonna jump in and cool off, think twice.  If you’re at the beach there could be a shark or a stingray or a jelly fish just waiting for you and if you think a lake or a pond is safer, no, it’s not.  There’s probably an alligator or a water moccasin just lurking about waiting for you.

do not molest gators

I wasn’t planning on doing either. In fact, I’m wondering why this sign is even necessary….

All those things are scary enough but the number one reason you need to be afraid of running in Florida has nothing to do with the weather, how hot it is, or the wildlife.  No, the deadliest thing of all, the most dangerous thing, the worst of the worst is this….

old lady drivingoh boy

Of course, I didn’t research the last fact either.  See:  It’s hot, heat makes you lazy.

It’s Friday, have a laugh, finish up your work and go enjoy the weekend.

What’s the most dangerous thing about running where you live?

What are you doing this weekend?

How to make your um, wind famous

Good Morning, how are you?  We’re pretty good over here.  Everybody’s healthy and happy but dang is it hot!  I left to go running around 6:30AM this morning and it was already 80 degrees.  That probably doesn’t sound too bad but factor in the humidity and you’re running in hell so there’s that.

Running in hell or Florida same thing really

Oh please I could run in a little fire like that any day, I live in Florida bitch!

I have been dying to share a story with you that I read this morning before I went running.  It literally cracked me up and I seriously laughed out loud for like five minutes.  Of course, if you don’t have the humor of a 12 year old boy, (and believe me when I tell you that I do) then you may not find this near as funny as I did.

Assuming that you do have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy, enjoy the following story.

the Famous Fart

They should have called it  Famous Flatulence

Click here to read the story 

You will not be sorry, it’s hysterical.  They even follow the story with the Family Guy fart duel which in my book is just classic fart humor.

And if you don’t enjoy fart stories, well

kiss my ass

You can just kiss my ass.

😉

Tell me anything, extra points if it’s funny or makes me laugh out loud….