I’ve got three moments of WTF for today, three but let’s start with the latest thing on my list because it happened last night.
The kid and I went over to the Publix to pick up a few things and I happened to notice this sign:
Seriously? You can spell violators but now allowed? Honestly though, my biggest problem with that sign is that it’s been there for over 3 years! Why can’t they replace it? It’s just downright embarrassing. Everyone already knows that we can’t count down here in Florida, why leave them with the impression that we can’t spell either? UGH! WTF?
Second thing. I wear my Fitbit all day, every day, and I’ve been wearing it at night occasionally too so that I can track my sleep patterns. So a few days ago MacGyver and I settled in for the night and just as I was about to enter the realm of sweet slumber MacGyver got all frisky. Sometime during our, um friskiness, my wrist accidently scratched the side of MacGyver’s face and I noticed it was because I had the Fitbit on.
Instantly my thoughts went to the Fitbit.
And then I slid down the rabbit hole.
I wondered if the Fitbit knew that I wasn’t sleeping. I wondered if it knew that MacGyver and I were, you know, doing our thing. Was it tracking this as exercise? Was it tracking this as steps, (because that would be pretty awesome) or did it think I was actually sleeping? I wondered if my heart rate had increased and by how much. I wondered if MacGyver would notice if I checked. (I didn’t, I’m not that rude.)
Afterwards I asked MacGyver if he thought the Fitbit was capable of tracking sex. He gave me the side eye and then said I was a little too attached to my new toy and maybe I should just take it off for the night. I decided he was probably right and went to do just that.
I went to the computer to plug it in and hand to God I swear my Fitbit flashed a little message across the screen. And it said, ‘I love you’.
EEEEEWWWWW. I had no idea we had reached that level.
I’m still wearing it. Maybe in time I’ll feel the same way…It’s a little needy though. This morning as I picked it up it said, ‘hold me’. WTF?
Lastly, I tweeted a story about one time I awkwardly misused a word to the bloggess, and in case it happens to get out I feel like I need to fill you in on the back story.
You see several years ago the Kid watched ‘A Christmas Story’ for the first time and he began to obsess over BB guns. He just had to have one.
So, after a year or so I decided I would take him to look at them and if I felt like it was safe enough, I would buy one for him. We went to the local Wal-mart, of course.
I was picking up the different models and checking out all the mechanisms. Some of them seemed almost too easy to use and I was afraid they might discharge easily and cause injury so I kept trying them until I found one that I thought might work. I was still unsure because I don’t really know all that much about BB guns so I turned to the sporting goods attendant and I said, ‘Do you think the cock on this one is too hard?’
So I thought maybe he didn’t understand me and I said, ‘because it just seems like the cock is a bit hard to use’. No sooner than I had finished my sentence did I realize my faux pas. I couldn’t get out of that store fast enough.
How the hell was I supposed to know it was a cocking lever? WTF?
Go ahead, tell me something, anything, wtf, it’s Wednesday!