Last night around 5:30PM, I slathered enough Deet on my body to seriously impair my already poor-functioning cognitive skills. It was either that or possibly contracting West Nile Virus and honestly, I prefer the deet.
You may be wondering why on Earth I would even need this toxic amount of pesticide. Well, I was putting up Christmas lights of course! Duh! What fun would it be to put up Christmas lights without the worry of West Nile Virus or Malaria? I wouldn’t dare imagine it! (These are Florida problems people, just roll with it.)
Anyhow, did I mention my poorly functioning cognitive skills? Because I think it’s important to note that while I would normally consider myself fairly intelligent with a decent memory, when it comes to putting up Christmas lights, I have neither intelligence nor good memory.
Typically when one is putting up Christmas lights, it’s advisable to check the lights to make sure they work before climbing up the ladder. I know this. I skipped this step. You should also make sure you have the proper items to hang the lights before climbing the ladder. Another step that I am keenly aware of, and yes, I skipped it too.
This is why I was wobbling on the ladder directly in front of my front door as I tried frantically to twist each bulb and bring those Christmas lights back to life. If I could only find the one bad bulb…..
It is also why I had to run to Wal-Mart this morning to purchase 4 new sets of icicle lights because despite the attempts of the manufacturer to build an ‘almost indestructible’ string of Christmas lights, it’s almost impossible to make them work again after you’ve dropped them onto concrete and then hurled down on them with your body, from the height of an 8 foot ladder. I crushed those babies like a bug.
If you’re wondering why MacGyver didn’t put up the lights for me it’s because he thinks those strings full of sparkle are more like little strings of quarters and that Christmas lights are a waste of money. He also doesn’t think I should be allowed anywhere near them after my near electrocution with lights on the treadmill last year. That being said he is also a very wise man and never tells me what to do.
Hence, me trying to put up the Christmas lights.
This morning I got some clips, pulled out the ladder, tested the new lights and climbed up to begin the decorating. After many attempts to neatly hang those strings of light across the front of my house, this is the result of my outdoor Christmas decorations.
When all else fails, go with Flamingos!
Do you decorate your house for the holidays?