The time the lady tried to stab my eye out…

I’m not sure if I mentioned it or not but my Mom is coming down later this week to hang out with me for a few weeks. I’m hoping she can help keep me sane while I’m not running. I’m pretty sure she’ll help me spend some money though because we’re pretty adept at the shopping thing.

I called her yesterday to find out exactly when I could expect her to arrive and she told me that her neighbors little boy, Fox, was helping her around the house. So I said, “is that his name?”

She said “yes that’s his name.” So of course I said, “What does the Fox say?” and she replied, “Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!”

My Mom is hilarious!

Yesterday I took a journey all the way over to Wal-Mart, way across the street from my neighborhood. After a 5 minute car ride, I was in searing pain from the sciatic nerve so I was in no mood to stand behind someone and wait while they blocked the aisle but that’s exactly what happened.

All I wanted was one flippin banana but this woman in her 80’s was blocking the entire aisle with her cart and her cane. I didn’t mind waiting a few minutes, I mean, she’s elderly and obviously wants to take her time picking out her 3 damn bananas so I stood there patiently.

After 7 or 8 minutes I decided to circle around and get my banana from the other side but that meant I had to turn around and go back down the aisle, turn into the next aisle go all the way to the end and then turn back toward the first aisle. By the time I did this she was blocking that side. I was pretty much at my wits end at this point but I patiently waited for another 5 or 6 minutes. I finally just said, “excuse me.” I might as well have called her every name in the book because that woman spun around like Dorothy Hamill in her prime and she stared me square in the eye and said, “Why do you have to be in such a god damn hurry? Everybody and their Mother is in a God damn hurry. All I want to do is pick out my bananas in my own Goddamn time. I should just poke your eye out with this banana because you’re just a rude girl, RUDE.” And then she went right back to looking over her damn bananas.
rude ladyWHAT THE HELL? I don’t even know how you reply to that. What the hell would you say to someone like that? This sweet little old lady just threatened to blind me with a freakin banana! Seriously! What the hell do you say to that? I just sort of backed out easily and then booked it to the other side of the store. I think it took a good 15 minutes before the shock of it actually wore off. It was crazy y’all, and then some. So, you would think the rest of my trip would have been stress free because you have to admit, it’s kind of rare to come across a granny ninja even at the Wal-Mart, but au contraire mon frere, because just when I started to relax, I somehow stumbled into her again in the parking lot….
mean lady
That’s not really her….but it was a similar scene….

What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you in Wal-Mart?

8 thoughts on “The time the lady tried to stab my eye out…

  1. Oh my goodness, I am sorry that happened to you but it is a pretty hysterical story! I hope she had just taken the wrong medicine. 🙁 And your Mom and my nephew would be best buds! His favorite song to sing is the fox one!

  2. I might have said something back to her. She’s rude, also. I don’t shop at WM. But I can get sucked into lol

  3. Oh my gosh! I was cracking up while reading this! So I read it out loud to my sister. She was just as shocked. I wouldn’t know what to say either..but probably think of something clever later on and hope to run into her again Hahaha

    • I can honestly say it was one of the only times in my life that I had no idea what to come back with….it was nuts!

  4. Yesterday was April Fools. Are you sure you weren’t the target of Betty White’s “Off their Rockers”? Or even better yet, John Quinones of “What would you do” hiding behind some display of RC Cola, because you would know how out of place and outdated a tall display of RC Cola is. Bahahahahaha… I’ve told my wife before that she has my permission to punch me in the nuts if I’m ever that mean or ornery when I’m in that grand stage of my life. I’ve been taught to respect my elders. But some of them think they are so entitled…

    • I wish it would have been a segment for some TV Show but alas, it was not to be. Apparently I have the ability to attract some real winners! 🙂 On another note, being originally from Tennessee, a huge display of RC Cola or maybe a display for Moon Pie’s might have gotten me a little excited, I won’t lie 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *