Friday Fitness Funnies for Free :)

Happy Friday! And do you know what the best part of Friday is? Well its the Friday Fitness Funnies of course. But, before you read the funnies which I so graciously provide to you free of charge, regularly, on Friday, I’d like to make a request…..don’t worry I don’t need your money and you don’t have to go vote for anyone. 🙂

This is just my quarterly request that you follow me on twitter @googlejunkie because I’m pretty cool and I don’t tweet random stupid shit. Nope, when I tweet, I tweet to thrill! And as a bonus, I follow back, unlike some other people because I truly have love for ya. And if you want me to really feel the love, you can like my facebook page. Or not. I’m perfectly happy if you just want to drop by and read up occasionally, I still love you.

Some of you may know I had an exercise fail this week. I didn’t feel so bad after seeing these…

Treadmill Fail Weight Lifting Fail

And these are pretty funny too:

Another Treadmill Fail

Why does she not move out of the way?

And celebrities can be funny:

Tina Fey

Conan

Brad Pitt

Why is Brad Pitt sexy even when he’s being dorky? So not fair!

And what about the 80’s? The 80’s were definitely a bad decade for exercise and fashiion…see what I mean…

Eighties Fitness Eighties fitness routines

And here’s a few more randoms:

1238119_607301612672896_1343410628_a a-philosoraptor-funny-memes drollnation-funny-memes-skeptical-kid-15576-500x511 Exercise funny-gifs-work-it-girl h7E63E392 imagesCAOQSYKUHave a fabulous weekend and be sure to get in a good workout but remember:

no one wants to hearWhat are your plans for the weekend?

Why I’m not welcome at Yoga….

I ran 7.2 miles in the light rain this morning. It was nice because the humidity wasn’t unbearable and it’s a bit cooler today.

Unfortunately whether it’s from the dog incident of yesterday or I’m still suffering from a dead butt my legs felt a bit heavy today and my hips were sore. I was thinking about going to Yoga this afternoon because I think that may help, but I’ll have to do the WII Yoga because I’m pretty sure I’m not welcome at the yoga place near my house.

NervousI may not have mentioned it before but I tend to have episodes of nervous laughter. Generally it’s not a problem but sometimes it might seem inappropriate. Like if it happens in church, or at a funeral, or during an audit with the IRS – but I don’t laugh on purpose and I have a really hard time stopping which brings me back to why I’m not welcome at yoga.

A while back ago I got one of those groupons for a 90 minute group yoga class for 10 bucks. It looked like a really cool place too. They had a lot of different teachers and offered several types of yoga and the classes started as early as 6 in the morning and as late as 8 at night. And, hello, Ten bucks? Sign me up.

I hadn’t been to yoga in a few years and the last time I went was with a few friends and we laughed through most of the class. It didn’t seem inappropriate though, I just remember it as being fun.

Yoga

Anyway, for this groupon special I chose a class that was focused on ‘restorative yoga’ which was supposed to relax the body and help to bring it into balance. I also chose to attend a very early class because I like to get my exercise done first thing in the morning. Unfortunately, I also tend to be a little silly in the morning so couple that with nervous laughter and it’s a recipe for disaster.

I tried really hard to relax and enjoy the class but I just couldn’t. Every time the instructor came over to help adjust me, I was so afraid that I was going to fart on her that I’d just start laughing from nerves. And then I started imagining everyone else farting and I’d laugh even harder. To make matters worse, the instructor kept walking over to me and then quietly saying, ‘now let’s just try to relax’ and I could tell she was getting annoyed with me. Then they started doing these breathing techniques that just sounded so ridiculous. How am I supposed to relax when people are breathing like buffalo and oxen?

Yoga Farts

As the class went on, my anxiety got worse and everything the instructor said made me laugh out loud. If you’ve been to yoga you know what I mean. They say stupid shit like, ‘now bend over and let all of your thoughts escape from your head. Just watch them run out onto the floor’. And I literally think about my thoughts running around the room in stick figure form, trying to take up residence in someone else’s head but then that person’s head landlord is all like, hell no, go away, so the little stick men thoughts run back to me and say ‘let me back in bitch’. See? It’s hilarious!

I have never been so glad for a class to end in my entire life. As I was preparing to leave the instructor walked up and I took the opportunity to explain to her about my nervous laughing and how it wasn’t something that I could control. She just listened and smiled and when I finished explaining she said, ‘maybe you might want to try a different type of yoga next time’. Way to be understanding bitch!

Yoga funny

So, I think I’ll stick with WII Yoga. Unfortunately it can’t correct me when my form is off but it doesn’t care if I fart either!

Do you have any nervous tendencies? Have you ever laughed at an inappropriate time?

Ass Rash and Face Plants, it must be WTF Wednesday!

This morning I ran 9 miles around my neighborhood. It was a very slow and easy run but I was still pretty tired afterwards. Sometimes, I am more tired from my slow runs than I am after I do speed work. I’m not sure if that was the case today or if it was because I was trying to run in a bullet proof vest while carrying a baseball bat! Kidding!

I am probably just sore from the workout I did late yesterday, a Tracy Anderson dvd . I should probably clarify that. I didn’t actually get through the whole workout. See, Tracy Anderson used to be a dancer and she’s all coordinated and such. No one has ever described me as graceful, like ever! I put that dvd in and within 5 minutes I was attempting a leg raise while holding my arms out to the side and I fell right on the floor, face plant, booyah!

not graceful

I feel you girl, I do.

That is most likely the last time I will attempt a Tracy Anderson DVD.

Anyway, this morning after I ran, I took a quick shower and grabbed the dogs to take them for their walk. They were super excited this morning and a little pissed that I went running first so I should have known that it was going to be a crazy walk but since I can’t get them to do any other exercise, a walk it is.

Isn't this way more fun that walking?  No?

Isn’t this way more fun that walking? No?

When my dogs are excited they pull on their leashes and they chase anything within a 500 foot radius if it moves. That could be a squirrel, a stray ball, or even a leaf, they aren’t picky chasers my two, they just like the thrill of the hunt.

We headed out on our walk with the usual pulling and me yelling ‘heel’ over and over and after about 10 minutes, they calmed down. That lasted about a minute until another lady came walking by with her dog at which point both of my dogs started pulling again and barking and lunging and basically acting like idiots. What I should have done was take them home but that’s not what I did. No, I kept walking because apparently I’m a glutton for punishment.

We were nearing the end of our walk when I spotted a rogue missile up ahead. A rogue missile is my code for dog off leash. I saw it first and attempted to maneuver the dogs to the opposite side of the street without them noticing. It worked for my dogs but not the rogue missile.

As soon as the other dog saw us he made a beeline for us and just bolted. And he wasn’t quiet either. He was barking and yelping and growling. It was about to get ugly. I didn’t get a picture of the mutant but this is pretty much what he looked like.

Mutant Dog

Hank, my dachshund immediately went into pull mode, yanking the leash and growling back. Boomer sort of made this face

Wait, what?

Which made me think he was going to stay calm, but instead he sort of swayed backwards and then lunged like a mighty 120 pound lion on steroids. The lunge was hard enough to pull my legs out from under me and I landed flat on my ass. That wasn’t embarrassing enough though because he then began to tug right alongside Hank and they began to pull me down the street. Oh and in case you’re wondering, yeah, there were two men working across the street watching the entire event unfold. It was epic comedy.

Now mind you, the mutant dog’s owner was outside the entire time just watching her 4 pound idiot dog try to attack my dogs, (who could easily have eaten him along with their snacks and not even noticed!) So, I am holding on to their leashes for dear life while they drag me down the street and this lady is letting her dog continue to lunge at and then run away from my dogs and all the while she just keeps saying ‘I’m so sorry, are you okay’? Sure lady, I’m fine, what made you think otherwise….seriously?

It wasn’t until I yelled at her to pick up the dog that this incident was over and when it was over, I was left on the ground, muddy and with a serious ass rash! It goes great with the bruise on my forehead from the face plant of yesterday. Graceful? No, not much.

I wish I could walk my dogs like this:

Walking the Dogs

I need to get to level expert.

When is the last time that you fell? Have you ever fallen in public? Did anyone see you?