Tuesday tips, how to have a successful running blog

As one of the most unsuccessful running blogs in the world I gets lots of email from people who ask me what it takes to write a successful running blog.

Wait, what?

So today I’m going to tell you exactly what you need to do if you want to become a successful running blogger and have legions of readers and fans.  No, really.  Read on.

The first thing you need if you want to have a successful running blog is a really good name.  Think fast and strong, something like ‘super fly felicia’ or ‘blazing fast belinda’.  Because if you want people to read your blog, and most importantly subscribe to it, it starts with the name.  No one wants to read a running blog written by ‘the turtle from Topeka’, just sayin.

Nope

Everybody wants to know your times.  No one reads just to hear all about your training and then not to learn how well you raced.  Ever.  If you run fast or slow it doesn’t really matter, actually, scratch that.  People do want to know how fast you are, so if you don’t run fast you better at least improve because everybody likes to see improvement.  If you’ve been running for six years and still run the same 5K time, you’ll need to do something drastic to keep (or grow) your readership.

I suggest you qualify for the Olympic Trials.  Yeah, that should work.

run bitch

No one wants to see you sweat but we want to hear about it.  All the successful running blogs make sure to constantly talk about how profusely they sweat and then post pictures of themselves so dry Death Valley pales in comparison so, do that.  Nothing says successful runner like a face full of makeup, curled hair and running clothes.  Trust.

We also want to know what you’re eating and we want you to make us feel like we eat too much so be sure to post pictures of lots of salads and veggies and throw in some fruit with some protein powder too, we love to know how healthy you are as well.

french fries?Oh no gurl!  No successful running blogger ever eats a French fry!  Ever.

Run all the races.  We want to hear about ALL the races so you’ll have to run them all, each and every one.  As soon as you finish the latest 5K, get back to the start line and finish the 10K and the marathon.  And don’t forget to post your times.

Be sure to tell us how to properly train for whatever race we might be running and tell us when to take rest days.  Of course you don’t have to practice what you preach because we don’t want to actually see you taking a rest day.  Nope, we want our running bloggers to be super human.  We want you to run ALL the time.

Whatever you do, do not get injured.  If you get injured you’ll have absolutely nothing to write about.  Unless, you get Meb or Shalane to guest blog for you and then all will be instantly forgiven.

And if you become a top running blogger that should be easy, right?

easy

And there you have it, my tips on how to become the most successful running blogger ever.

And now it’s your turn because I’m sure I’ve left something out.

What else should one do to become a successful running blogger?

How does one become a successful (any subject) blogger?

Orange blossoms, vacuums and sex and the fitbit, in no certain order.

Good Monday morning to you.  Today is National Orange Blossom Day.  Orange Blossoms are the state flower for Florida and they also smell wonderful.  Whenever we go to the cabin we have to drive through 5 miles of orange groves to get there and I love that smell better than just about any other smell on earth.  It’s no wonder they use orange blossom scent in so many perfumes.

It’s also National Sunglasses day but every day is sunglasses day here in sunny Florida so National Orange Blossom Day seemed a better choice for me to talk about.

sunglasses

My in laws have traveled back home to Virginia for the summer.  They left Saturday morning so the kid drove me to my appointment with the doctor on Friday and afterwards we went to lunch with them.  We went to Brew Burgers which is one of my favorite places and it was as good as always.

We finished lunch just after 1 and headed over to the Nokomis house to pick up the mail and then got back on the road to come home.  Realistically, we should have been home around 2:30 but that didn’t happen.

trafficTake your shoes off, stay awhile….

accidentAnd just when you think you’re in the clear, NOPE.

There were 3 of them.  THREE. Three accidents with traffic at a complete standstill.

Guess what time we got home?  Guess.

my turtle

We got home right after this guy….

We got home after 5PM.

So before I get enraged again, let’s talk about running last week.  Last week I ran and walked a total of 34 miles.  Most of my runs last week were fairly easy ones due to the heat and humidity but I did manage to run 800’s one day and I also did some hill work one day.  It doesn’t sound impressive but I was happy with it.  Super happy with it.

I also managed to get around 142,000 steps for the week on my fitbit!  I was surprised I got that many and it wasn’t too shabby but I was a little shy of where I wanted to be….

fitbit sex check

Ahem, guilty.

 

My longest run over the weekend was Saturday and it was only 6 miles but afterward I ended up with a migraine that followed me all day long so the rest of the day was a wash which meant all the things I wanted to get done got pushed to Sunday.

On Sunday I was determined to get some yard work done and the house cleaned.  I worked in the yard all morning and I was a bit behind so MacGyver offered to help me clean, (as he always does), and typically I say no because I’m a bit of a control freak but for some reason yesterday I said yes, please.  I told him he could vacuum and asked him to do the living room rug.

So he started vacuuming and only a few seconds later he stopped and flipped the vacuum over and stared at it.  Then he looked up at me and said, “this thing is a mess, when’s the last time you took this thing apart and cleaned it?”

And I said, “you mean the actual machine, like, the mechanical parts, the innards?”

And he said, “yes, the inside of the machine, when is the last time you took it all apart and cleaned it?”

And then I said, “Um, let’s see, today in Sunday, which would make it the 26th so that would mean, um…..NEVER!”

So he sat down beside the vacuum and then he dismantled it right there on the very rug I asked him to vacuum.

good god

Some days it’s all I can do to let my people survive.

Guess who has some housecleaning to do today right after work?  Man, I sure do have the life….

Tell me, have you ever checked your fitbit during sex?
Have you ever taken apart your vacuum cleaner and cleaned it all out?  (I haven’t but I have repaired my washer and my dryer many times so there’s that.)

Running in Florida is more dangerous than any other place, maybe.

By the time you read this I’ll most likely be in route or already at my doctor’s office all the way down in Venice.  This is one of my final follow up’s with her before I meet with the neurologist on the 1st of July.

doctor visits

Right? Isn’t this always the case? Always!

Anyway, I wanted to get in a short run before I made my way down to Venice which meant I had to leave before 6AM this morning and that’s when I got the idea for this post, shortly after some carnivorous type of animal ran within 2 feet of me.  I’m calling this post, running in Florida is more dangerous than any other place, maybe.

Reason number one is also why I ended my title with maybe, it’s hot.  It’s so hot in fact that you can die of heat stoke within a few minutes of leaving your house.  Seriously, okay maybe.  Heat also makes you lazy so I didn’t really look any of that data up or verify my facts but just trust me, it’s hella hot.

running in Florida

Another reason is all the animals.  We have coyotes, panthers, cougars, black bear, snakes, gators and a whole mess of other things that maybe won’t kill you but will still scare the shit out of you and you could have a heart attack like I almost did this morning.

You also have to be extra careful running by any body of water and if you think for a minute you’re just gonna jump in and cool off, think twice.  If you’re at the beach there could be a shark or a stingray or a jelly fish just waiting for you and if you think a lake or a pond is safer, no, it’s not.  There’s probably an alligator or a water moccasin just lurking about waiting for you.

do not molest gators

I wasn’t planning on doing either. In fact, I’m wondering why this sign is even necessary….

All those things are scary enough but the number one reason you need to be afraid of running in Florida has nothing to do with the weather, how hot it is, or the wildlife.  No, the deadliest thing of all, the most dangerous thing, the worst of the worst is this….

old lady drivingoh boy

Of course, I didn’t research the last fact either.  See:  It’s hot, heat makes you lazy.

It’s Friday, have a laugh, finish up your work and go enjoy the weekend.

What’s the most dangerous thing about running where you live?

What are you doing this weekend?