Friday – 3 things

What does the CIA, I mean Google know about you? Well, now you can find out because Google has a new feature that lets you download everything you’ve ever searched for, and yes, I mean everything!

google searches

I’m sort of embarrassed to admit that I searched for ‘artistic poop’ and ‘yellow and gray poop’ but apparently I did. Not to worry. With the new Google feature you can also delete every bit of that data, yep, all of it.

Go to this page and click on the gear icon, then click on remove items and choose from the beginning of time and voila, all of your history is gone, kaput!  You can also download your search history, which is what I did because I like to go back and look at what I searched for and when I see things like ‘artistic poop’ I like to try to figure out just why I needed to have info about that.

You’re Welcome.

The Kylie Jenner challenge is stupid and you should not, I repeat, NOT attempt it. You don’t get lips like that from a shot glass people, you get Kylie Jenner lips from a plastic surgeon who uses a needle and injects fillers, period. I don’t even know why this is news. It’s just stupid.

lips

These are not from a shot glass!

How old are your ears? Are they aging faster than you are? Well, here’s a video via Buzzfeed that will help you find out and it’s pretty darn cool if I do say so myself.

Um yeah, my ears are as old as Methuselah!

Tell me something cool you found online this week, or something uncool, either one.

WTF Wednesday , a cautionary tale of lozenges.

I’ve got around eleven pretty good-sized trees in my yard. I know this because I am constantly picking up the limbs from the sweet gum tree after every single thunderstorm and raking up pine needles from the Australian pine trees that are not native to this area and probably just grow in my yard to irritate me. It should be fairly obvious that I don’t care for many of these trees but any of them would be perfect for a bird nest or so you’d think.

Apparently, they aren’t good enough for her.

Dove in nest

I prefer a nest with a nice view and flowers, yes, flowers. Trees are for peasants.

Yes, she decided she’d much rather use the coconut liner and my purple plant hanging smack dab in the front of my window, which mind you is located beside the front door.  And mother birds are no different from any other mother, which is why it makes entering and exiting my house a real treat. So, if you happen to come over and visit anytime soon, don’t question the helmet by the front door just put it on before you get too close.  Sunglasses might be a good idea too, I mean, if you like your eyeballs.

I may have mentioned it already, but last week I got sick. It was just a head cold with a little stuffiness and that was about it, nothing below the chest.  After taking Monday off, I ran the rest of the week with no issues and I was starting to feel much better.

Then came Saturday. On Saturday I ran the ColorMeRad 5K which was really fun and I felt great before and after it and when I got home later that afternoon, I laid down and took a little nap with MacGyver.  When I woke up I couldn’t speak. At all.

laryngitis
MacGyver and the kid were elated which made me even more upset because there is nothing worse than the S word. And by S I do not mean sick, I mean silent. And in case you’re wondering, I still have laryngitis and it’s really starting to damage my rep as the Mouth of the South.

I’ve been sucking on lozenges like a boss but so far it hasn’t helped that much, except at night.

lozenges
Okay so maybe that’s why I keep sucking on lozenges.

Last night I popped my cough drop in my mouth and went to sleep. Sometime during my slumber I began having a dream. In the dream I was on a trip visiting my cousin in California. I was super excited about the trip and really looking forward to all of the cool things we were going to do.

Oh I wish....

                                        Oh I wish….

I asked my cousin to take me to the beach first because I really wanted to check out the surf and maybe catch a few waves. The more I thought about it, the more excited I became.   So as you can imagine, I was a little peeved when my cousin asked me to pick up his laundry from the dry cleaners.  (Did I mention I always have weird dreams?  Well, now you know.)

When I reached the dry cleaners I hand him the ticket and he goes to the back of the store. It seems like I wait for quite a while and then someone comes in behind me. I hear him say, “Excuse me” and I quickly turn around and see that,

it’s Norman Reedus, NORMAN F***ING REEDUS!  (It’s MY dream!)

Norman Reedus

                                                   Oh Yeah!

Now, in real life, I’d be all awkward and a nervous mess.  And if I did speak, I’d say something really stupid and it probably wouldn’t make any sense at all, but this is a dream and in my dreams I’m obviously sexy and confident and full of wit and humor.   And that’s why when Norman asks, “Do you know if this dry cleaner is any good with stains?”
I reply with, “Why, you got brains on your blazer?”  Bwah, ha, ha, ha

Obviously Norman laughs and then I laugh and he sort of whips his gorgeous hair out of his eyes except one strand sort of stays there.  So I reach up with my hand and lightly brush it to the side and that’s when it happened.

He leans down, then he leans in and he kisses me!  This dream is too good to be true, this is a dream, right? Or is it? I’m confused,  So, I do the only thing I could do and I decide I want to make sure it’s just a dream because Norman F***ing Reedus!

I open my eyes but I’m still  half asleep.  It takes me a minute to focus and figure it out because, wait, it feels like someone is kissing me…..

but no, wait, it’s not Norman Reedus…..

Nope.

Oh my God, it’s……………….

dog tongue
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

It’s my dog, Hank! And he was trying to fish the damn cough drop out of my mouth.

dachshund Hank

           What? You no want some doggie kisses from the Hanky Poo?

 

So much for that dream!  God Bless it, so this is how we’re going to start the day….oh joy.

WTF, it must be Wednesday.

Now it’s your turn, tell me one of your WTF moments for the week.